Here’s to Looking Forward Instead of Backwards!
Acceptance is the only way that we can refocus our energy, attention, and consciousness on what is happening now and what will come next.
It’s tempting for many of us to look back and to dwell on the hardships, the struggles, the turmoil or the uncertainties that we’ve faced. After-all, for many, we lost loved ones or we suffered the loss of a job. Families watched as their loved ones went off to battle, and we all have observed the devastating personal, economic, and global aftermath of COVID-19, wars, political upheaval, and more. For others, we battled the anxiety and depression that comes after struggling for years to hold on to a relationship or to a marriage that wasn’t meant to be or that we just couldn’t “fix.” It’s easy to sit and stew over just about any challenge we’ve faced in the last few years. That is a normal human response.
However difficult things have been lately, I challenge all of us to dwell not on the hardship or struggles but rather relax into the idea that “it was what it was.” In whatever ways you want to categorize the recent past, it was our reality. For many of us, we had no control over such painful circumstances; for others, we may believe that somehow we contributed to or created our own suffering (that’s for another blog). Regardless, we can’t go back and change what has already occurred.
The more time we spend focusing or dwelling on the past, the more time we remain stuck and in turmoil. I’m not suggesting that this is an easy task or simple exercise to accomplish; it certainly is not. I am suggesting, however, that in order to move forward into the new year and in order to be present, we must try and let go. Accepting the good, the bad, and the ugly for what it is and for what it was, allows us to free up space and energy to feel and experience anew. Remember the old saying, “Energy flows where attention goes?” The more time we spend thinking, contemplating or hashing over what was or what could have been, the more time we spend stuck in the past with our focus derailed from the present and the future. In that sense, we remain stuck in a hypothetical past (an unreal fantasy world) and we miss the real world moving forward with or without us.
Acceptance is the only way that we can refocus our energy, attention, and consciousness on what is happening now and what will come next. Accepting the difficult emotions that surfaced, the anxious thinking that kept us up at night, the compulsive or impulsive behaviors that masked difficult situations and the grim experiences themselves will allow us to let go and to live more at peace. Simply by stating and restating, “It is what it is,” or “It was what it was,” we allow acceptance to creep in and fill the space that was once occupied by pain, fear, resentment, or frustration. Calmness will follow as we find peace in what was—for many—a very difficult and trying few years.
My hope for all of us that faced some type of adversity in the recent past is that “acceptance” will be part of our 2023 intentions. It will allow us to move from thinking or believing that we somehow created, deserved, brought on, or became the victim of hardships and struggles; instead, we will begin to see ourselves again as the resilient individuals that we are (in spite of the challenges that we face), and we will find renewed energy to carry forward!
If you or a loved one is suffering from loss and grief, and you're struggling or need support, please reach out for help. This article is not intended to minimize the loss and grief we experience when we lose someone. Bereavement can impact us for years and should not be seen as a weakness, trivialized, or dismissed. Acceptance is a part of the grief process, but it takes time, and we often we need additional support, tools, and guidance as we move through the stages of grief.
Be well~
Ryan Lewis, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Coach & IWP Founder
